Well, the title is to motivate me myself, hopefully also motivate and support those who read it.
In this situation, stressed, I really like to read wisewords, proverbs or idioms. And I have two of them that I attach on the wall, right beside my pillow, so, I can read it in most of my time. They are:
If I tracked back to my personal life, it is true, 100%, and I totally agree with it. I am happy live with my family, although maybe our house looks like a hut, with the bamboo for the wall and sand for the floor, but I was grown up there, it that lovely house. Every single thing in my life, since I was child has given me lesson about life, about how tough this life can be for us. I remember when I was in junior high school, on holiday, at that time my close friend took an English course. Oh God, how jealous I was at that time seeing her learning English at the course. It's hurt actually, I really want to say that I also want to take a course to my parents, but....I know, there was no fund for it. My dad always says, "If we want to learn seriously, we will can do without taking course". Yes, I know that. But at that time it was not easy for me. Even, after I graduated from high school in 2000, some of my friends could continue to university, but I could not. I had no choice, didn't know what to do. Really wanted to go to university, but no money. I spent my day and night at home, reading Hello English magazine and memorizing some verses in Quran. But, I got bored after few months.
Then in the beginning of 2002 I lived with my sister in another city. I looked after my nephew there. But my heart remained the same, I wanted to study at university. Eventually, after few months, I went home and told my mom that I wanted to continue my study to university. My mom said, "Ok". At that time I thought that will be able to get money from working and applying scholarship. YES!!!! Although I had no money at that time, but I had a big decision. That's the most important point for me to take further step, higher and full of risk, but I was very sure that God will help me. It is HIS promise and HE will always keep HIS promise.
Few days later, my mom said that actually my sister wanted me to live with her as I also could take care of her son. It was not my mom's decision, but it had been discussed with others. Yeah, my willingness to study in Yogjakarta should be kept! I didn't want to make my parents disappointed. Then I went to Jember again and studied there. After long time thinking about the place to study, finally I decided to study in Muhammadiyah University of Jember. It's small university, but I could get many things there. I had very good lecturers and friends. Although I studied in small university, but I often competed with other students from outstanding universities, and I knew that what we had got is almost the same. Therefore, I thought at that time that "It is not the matter of the place, but it is about how you live your life!". I remember one statement in the Beastly movie that I like lots, "It is not the matter how others look at you, but it is how you look yourself". Wow!!! Touching! It is about respect ourselves! Totally agree, how can others will respect us if we can't respect our own selves. Yes!!!! Begin with you, yourself. Change your mindset and watch every single step to go through. "Ok, I will do it!!", my heart shouted.
When I was there, in Jember, I almost had no time to talk with friends. My brother-in-law was not there and I only lived with my elder sister and her son, and her new baby, her daughter. Two months before I went to university my elder sister gave birth. Perfect! Nanny with two babies! Thanks God that I had charming things in myself so it was not difficult for me to look after them. hehehehe.....with crazy stories and acting. At that time, I only went to university when I had schedule, no more! And I had to wait my elder sister came back from her office, so she could take care of her kids while I was at university. Soon after finishing the class, I back home and take care of them again and my sister back to her office. Seriously, I had no spare time, even to do the work I had to be very very smart to make time. I did almost all the chores. Therefore, I had to be able to manage my time as perfect as possible OR I would lost!! Then, as I had only very short time, I always brought notes when I washed clothes and when I cooked. I have special nail to hang my notes so I would be always ready with my lessons. And on Saturday and Sunday, two days when my elder sister did not go work, I use those days to work as a private teacher. Hhmmmm.....having other situation, refresh my mind and see the other world. After almost 4 years I studies at Muhammdiyah University of jember and after finishing the final project, I could pass the examination well. Thanks God, finally I could graduate and became the best graduate in my faculty. I never thought that I would come out at this situation, but God had decided! No one can change. However, this is also a kind of "test" from God, whether I would thank HIM or I would be arrogant because of that.
Ups, one thing that I would never forget is, when I was in Jember, there was time that we couldn't buy rice, no money at all! Finally we bought cassava to eat. hehehe.....to survive! But it tasted good, so, no problem. No fish, no egg, no vegetable, but.....wushhh!!!! It couldn't change my view on this world. I still could follow English debate competition although I only ate cassava. hehehe......unforgettable experience, competed with students from other universities in another city for few days. Got some new friends and, of course, get better understanding of the competiting world!
Well, back, continue the story. After the graduation ceremony, 2006, actually I really would like to get married, but.....until now I am still single. At that time, I never thought that I could continue my study to Master level. It seemed impossible for me as the fee is really high, and I had no money at all for it. I just tried to find work and thought only what I can see right in front of my eyes. No more! Then, started from 2007 I had applied some scholarships, from teacher trainer scholarship until graduate scholarship. Amazing experience! I had some interviews in some scholarship, although no one succeeded, I was happy. I know, at that time, I had no enough experiences that should be fulfilled as the applicants. However, in 2009-2010 I was chosen as one of the candidates who would be given an English training, IELTS (International English Language Testing System). Really unforgettable experience! There were 21 candidates trained with me at ITB (Bandung Institute of Technology) for around 4 months, October 2009 - February 2010. I was the youngest candidate :) Almost all of the candidates were doctoral candidates. OMG!! I felt nothing at that time. No enough experience. But, thanks God, my test result was so good that make me chosen in that training scholarship. These are my lovely friends, I recognize them as my elder brothers and sisters.
Now, some of them have already been abroad, 2 in America, 4 in Europe, 1 in Japan, 2 in Australia and 1 has been accepted in New Zealand, but she is still in Indonesia. Actually, I also have been interviewed and at that time I was quite sure that I would go, but, no. The government's policy changed in a sudden, they want the doctoral candidates would go instead of the master candidates. I don't really remember the date, but that was on Saturday, we were interviewed in Surabaya, East Java. Then from Surabaya I went to Yogyakarta as I was also shortlisted became one of the candidates who would be interviewed by the Ford Foundation team, on the next day, Sunday. It was located in Wisma MM UGM (Gajah Mada University). Ups, to tell you that the interview held in Surabaya was the scholarship from Indonesian government.
I was quite sure in Yogyakarta when I was being interviewed, the same as in Surabaya, I also brought LoA (Letter of Acceptance) from Essex University in England. At that time, there were 4 people in the room, 5 including me. Then, almost one hour I was interviewed, I was asked whether I wanted to choose the university by myself or they will choose for me. Then, because I have already accepted in Essex University, I said, "I will choose by myself". Then I handed in the LoA I brought to them. They asked me the reasons I chose Essex University. Thanks God that I know that Essex University has good reaserch in Linguistics that make me confident to say all the positive things from Essex Univ. After a few months, there was an announcement on the website, unfortunately, I could not find my name there. I was so sad as after one year I was selected, from thousands applicants until only 156 applicants, finally, I had to say to myself, "This is the fact, but God knows the best thing for you". I smiled, then continue my life without others knowing about my amazing experiences. Only few of them knew about my struggle. Well, I want to fight, no matter how, but this life is a choice and I don't want to choose the fool ones. I have to do my best, based on my capacity, no matter how others look at me, it's about how I look myself. As long as I am sure that what I do is on the right track, then, just keep going ^^
Ok, go!!!! Run and fly!!!
In this situation, stressed, I really like to read wisewords, proverbs or idioms. And I have two of them that I attach on the wall, right beside my pillow, so, I can read it in most of my time. They are:
- The greatest personal limitation is to be found not in the things you want to do and can't, but in the things you've never considered doing. *Richard Badler*
If I tracked back to my personal life, it is true, 100%, and I totally agree with it. I am happy live with my family, although maybe our house looks like a hut, with the bamboo for the wall and sand for the floor, but I was grown up there, it that lovely house. Every single thing in my life, since I was child has given me lesson about life, about how tough this life can be for us. I remember when I was in junior high school, on holiday, at that time my close friend took an English course. Oh God, how jealous I was at that time seeing her learning English at the course. It's hurt actually, I really want to say that I also want to take a course to my parents, but....I know, there was no fund for it. My dad always says, "If we want to learn seriously, we will can do without taking course". Yes, I know that. But at that time it was not easy for me. Even, after I graduated from high school in 2000, some of my friends could continue to university, but I could not. I had no choice, didn't know what to do. Really wanted to go to university, but no money. I spent my day and night at home, reading Hello English magazine and memorizing some verses in Quran. But, I got bored after few months.
Then in the beginning of 2002 I lived with my sister in another city. I looked after my nephew there. But my heart remained the same, I wanted to study at university. Eventually, after few months, I went home and told my mom that I wanted to continue my study to university. My mom said, "Ok". At that time I thought that will be able to get money from working and applying scholarship. YES!!!! Although I had no money at that time, but I had a big decision. That's the most important point for me to take further step, higher and full of risk, but I was very sure that God will help me. It is HIS promise and HE will always keep HIS promise.
Few days later, my mom said that actually my sister wanted me to live with her as I also could take care of her son. It was not my mom's decision, but it had been discussed with others. Yeah, my willingness to study in Yogjakarta should be kept! I didn't want to make my parents disappointed. Then I went to Jember again and studied there. After long time thinking about the place to study, finally I decided to study in Muhammadiyah University of Jember. It's small university, but I could get many things there. I had very good lecturers and friends. Although I studied in small university, but I often competed with other students from outstanding universities, and I knew that what we had got is almost the same. Therefore, I thought at that time that "It is not the matter of the place, but it is about how you live your life!". I remember one statement in the Beastly movie that I like lots, "It is not the matter how others look at you, but it is how you look yourself". Wow!!! Touching! It is about respect ourselves! Totally agree, how can others will respect us if we can't respect our own selves. Yes!!!! Begin with you, yourself. Change your mindset and watch every single step to go through. "Ok, I will do it!!", my heart shouted.
When I was there, in Jember, I almost had no time to talk with friends. My brother-in-law was not there and I only lived with my elder sister and her son, and her new baby, her daughter. Two months before I went to university my elder sister gave birth. Perfect! Nanny with two babies! Thanks God that I had charming things in myself so it was not difficult for me to look after them. hehehehe.....with crazy stories and acting. At that time, I only went to university when I had schedule, no more! And I had to wait my elder sister came back from her office, so she could take care of her kids while I was at university. Soon after finishing the class, I back home and take care of them again and my sister back to her office. Seriously, I had no spare time, even to do the work I had to be very very smart to make time. I did almost all the chores. Therefore, I had to be able to manage my time as perfect as possible OR I would lost!! Then, as I had only very short time, I always brought notes when I washed clothes and when I cooked. I have special nail to hang my notes so I would be always ready with my lessons. And on Saturday and Sunday, two days when my elder sister did not go work, I use those days to work as a private teacher. Hhmmmm.....having other situation, refresh my mind and see the other world. After almost 4 years I studies at Muhammdiyah University of jember and after finishing the final project, I could pass the examination well. Thanks God, finally I could graduate and became the best graduate in my faculty. I never thought that I would come out at this situation, but God had decided! No one can change. However, this is also a kind of "test" from God, whether I would thank HIM or I would be arrogant because of that.
Ups, one thing that I would never forget is, when I was in Jember, there was time that we couldn't buy rice, no money at all! Finally we bought cassava to eat. hehehe.....to survive! But it tasted good, so, no problem. No fish, no egg, no vegetable, but.....wushhh!!!! It couldn't change my view on this world. I still could follow English debate competition although I only ate cassava. hehehe......unforgettable experience, competed with students from other universities in another city for few days. Got some new friends and, of course, get better understanding of the competiting world!
Well, back, continue the story. After the graduation ceremony, 2006, actually I really would like to get married, but.....until now I am still single. At that time, I never thought that I could continue my study to Master level. It seemed impossible for me as the fee is really high, and I had no money at all for it. I just tried to find work and thought only what I can see right in front of my eyes. No more! Then, started from 2007 I had applied some scholarships, from teacher trainer scholarship until graduate scholarship. Amazing experience! I had some interviews in some scholarship, although no one succeeded, I was happy. I know, at that time, I had no enough experiences that should be fulfilled as the applicants. However, in 2009-2010 I was chosen as one of the candidates who would be given an English training, IELTS (International English Language Testing System). Really unforgettable experience! There were 21 candidates trained with me at ITB (Bandung Institute of Technology) for around 4 months, October 2009 - February 2010. I was the youngest candidate :) Almost all of the candidates were doctoral candidates. OMG!! I felt nothing at that time. No enough experience. But, thanks God, my test result was so good that make me chosen in that training scholarship. These are my lovely friends, I recognize them as my elder brothers and sisters.
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| Having lunch in Mrs. Tien's house, one of the lecturers. |
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| Me and friends, still in Mrs. Tien's house |
I was quite sure in Yogyakarta when I was being interviewed, the same as in Surabaya, I also brought LoA (Letter of Acceptance) from Essex University in England. At that time, there were 4 people in the room, 5 including me. Then, almost one hour I was interviewed, I was asked whether I wanted to choose the university by myself or they will choose for me. Then, because I have already accepted in Essex University, I said, "I will choose by myself". Then I handed in the LoA I brought to them. They asked me the reasons I chose Essex University. Thanks God that I know that Essex University has good reaserch in Linguistics that make me confident to say all the positive things from Essex Univ. After a few months, there was an announcement on the website, unfortunately, I could not find my name there. I was so sad as after one year I was selected, from thousands applicants until only 156 applicants, finally, I had to say to myself, "This is the fact, but God knows the best thing for you". I smiled, then continue my life without others knowing about my amazing experiences. Only few of them knew about my struggle. Well, I want to fight, no matter how, but this life is a choice and I don't want to choose the fool ones. I have to do my best, based on my capacity, no matter how others look at me, it's about how I look myself. As long as I am sure that what I do is on the right track, then, just keep going ^^
- Yeah, this is one of the reasons why I like that proverbs. The greatest limitation, no one knows!
- Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
Ok, go!!!! Run and fly!!!
I'm waiting for the continuation... :D
BalasHapusEnjoy reading, Catali ^^
BalasHapusMufy that deep this is, I trust in God and I put myself in his hands to take me always where I have to go. Now I just want to get out of here...
BalasHapusYeah, go!! Run and fly!!!
Thank you Mufy for shared this with me :) and everybody that who need it :D.
My pleasure, Catali ^^
BalasHapus